Apartment Complex Update: So the evil squirrels have given up destroying the tomato plant as of late but a new enemy has appeared in the crappy foliage of my complex that is inevitably going to lead somewhere bad. Earlier in the summer I noticed an absurd amount of lizards and paid no heed to them, but now a few months later the 2” creatures have doubled in size. At this rate it is only a matter of months before I have Godzilla strolling around the complex, and we all know what happens when Godzilla shows up… next thing you know you have Japanese people running and screaming at all hours of the day and quite frankly I enjoy my sleep far too much to allow this to happen. Needless to say I am going to nip this one in the bud and am currently debating the options of flamethrower, napalm, or nuke. I will keep you posted on my actions at a later date.
Now let’s continue on to the glorious foodventure that happened this weekend. I alluded to it in my last post, an afternoon spent with the fam culminating in fireworks in my mouth, and ridiculously large amounts of sweat even for this fat kid in humid Houston.
Lankford Grocery is a small joint located in the Montrose neighborhood (home to numerous other Houston food destinations that will definitely be making appearances here in the future) that was once a local grocery store and over time became a favorite restaurant of Houstonians.
We wandered in there on a nice sweltering July day, and let it be known Lankford’s air conditioning unit does not exactly keep up with the heat, crowds, and door that never seems to stay shut so before we even sat down a layer of sweat coated all of us and most of the other patrons in the small café. The initial sight of the crowd and lack of open tables had me dreading a long wait in this warm room, but fortunately we were able to swoop in and grab a table quickly after a couple left, yes it is a seat yourself environment so you have to be snappy and move with a purpose in that place.
Service was not exactly as snappy as we were though, so we sat there for a while with enough time to decide our meal and the fact that iced tea was not going to be enough to satisfy us at this point. Fortunately there was a sign on the wall listing beers, basically like a beacon of hope letting me know that all was going to be ok in this place that might have been close to Hell in terms of temperature.
I felt like the best way to truly soak in the experience of this place was to drink some nice low grade beer, and fortunately at the top of the menu Lone Star Light was beckoning my name.
Now on to the burgers, as you can see on the menu, there are multiple burgers that sound absolutely amazing and made my decision of what would be worthy of a write up to you amazing people that much more difficult. My initial thought was the healthy burger known as the Grim Burger, a healthy combo of mac & cheese, bacon, fried egg, and jalapeno. As good as that burger probably is it was not meant to be, I overheard a nearby table singing the praises of the Firehouse Burger and from that moment on I was sold and realized that my fans deserved me to suffer in the name of flavor. You may ask why someone would order a burger topped with habanero sauce, jalapenos, and cayenne butter. I don’t know I still don’t have an answer to that one other than this guy is dumb.
Upon placing that order I realized that the beer order would need to be increased so it went to two at a time.
How was the burger you asked? Delicious is probably the best word for it, yes I burned and sweated more, but it was worth it every bite of the way. The burger was one of the sloppiest burgers I ever had, basically it had to be eaten upside down since the bottom bun was soaked to destruction by the spicy sauces but you will hear no complaints from this guy on the presentation because every other aspect of it knocked it out of the park. The fries were simply okay, so I wouldn’t say come here for them, but if you have the opportunity get your ass there and wrap your mitts around one of these juicy burgers.
After I survived the run in with the Firehouse Burger there was only one rational thought that passed through my tablemates mind, a dessert follow up with the special of the day. Let’s just say the blackberry cobbler with Bluebell Ice Cream was a great conclusion to this meal, although the hot cobbler might be best saved for a cooler day in the fall.
Needless to say it is only a matter of time before I find myself back at this small former grocery store, but if you don’t believe me and didn’t see this on yesterday’s posting, take Guy’s word for the glory that is Lankford Grocery.
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