A Letter To McDonald's

Dear McDonalds,

Please stick to what you do best.  Yes, I am talking about the questionably shaped chicken and mysteriously cuts of beef that you use in you burgers.  Time and time again your attempts to be something that you simply are not have failed and quite frankly left a bad taste in my mouth.

Your attempts at rivaling the higher quality burger joints that have sprung up around the nation are a lost cause that needs to end right about now.  Just because you label a burger “angus” does not make it good quality, in fact your patties seem to remind me of a sponge more than a slab of beef.

Then came this abomination to a test market here in Houston, the English Pub Burger.  Sure the picture looks good, how could you go wrong with two kinds of cheese, bacon, and grilled onions?  Really these are some of the greatest toppings to ever have the privilege of sitting on top of a juicy patty of beef so of course I was filled with a sense of optimism as I pulled up to the drive-thru.

Then I opened the box to this disaster.  The “artisan” roll was really a hard bun with some variation from your standard sesame bun (yes it was so bad I ate the burger bunless). The bacon (probably should also be in quotation marks) was paper thin and devoid of any flavor not named salt.  The onions at least had some density to them but really just gave the burger a slimy texture rather than adding any beneficial flavor.  Finally, there were the sauces, who ever came up with this combination of steak sauce and Dijon mustard should probably be run out of the food industry.  I am not English, but if this is how they eat their burgers on the other side of the pond I want no part of it.

Perhaps if McDonald’s had spent less money on trying to be clever with the packaging they may have been able to come up with a better burger here but something tells me that is just  a pipe dream. 

In closing, I will stick to my quarter pounder with cheese or some chicken nuggets (my favorite cut of the chicken, the boot) the next time I find myself at the golden arches.

PS- McDonald’s going after a local macaroni restaurant because their name is Jus’ Mac is bush league; trust me you are not even in the same class as them when it comes to a good meal.